Linda Spangle, RN, MA, is a weight-loss coach specializing in emotional eating, and the author of Life is Hard, Food is Easy and 100 Days of Weight Loss-- a book of daily lessons that helps people stay committed to their diet and exercise plans.

Linda Spangle--

Don told me, 'On Friday night, I planned 
to go to a movie, but when I got to the
theater, the show was sold out. So I 
stopped at the video store on the way 
home and rented a movie instead. It 
turned out to be horrible -- not the
slightest bit entertaining or enjoyable. 
But the evening wasn't a total
loss. I had my pint of Häagen-Dazs, so that became my fun.'

We didn't start out being emotional eaters. As babies, we
cried for food when we were hungry, and when we'd had enough,
we drifted off to sleep. During childhood years, you probably
didn't associate food with emotions or problems. Mostly, you
ate your meals, ran out to play, and gave little thought to
what you had eaten. 

Then things began to change. On your birthday, you blew out
the candles and everyone celebrated by eating chocolate cake.
During mealtimes, people encouraged you, 'Eat some more, it's
good for you.' Then they applauded you for cleaning your plate.
 
The Comfort of Food

If you fell down, Mom gave you a cookie and your skinned knee
magically stopped hurting. After baseball and soccer, you ate
pizza whether you won the game or lost it. Food added
pleasure to either outcome. You learned that food could turn
anything into a fun event or fix any experience that didn't
come out quite right.

Food may also have served as a method of control, rewarding
when you were good and punishing if you weren't. Maybe you
heard, 'If you pick up your toys, I'll give you a snack' or
'No dessert until you clean your plate.' Perhaps you recall
being sent to bed with no dinner because you had 'misbehaved.'

Or, at some point, you may have faced a difficult situation
and thought, 'If I eat something, maybe I'll feel better.'
And you did. Over the years, repeating this experience
created a link between food and your emotions. But once you
become hooked into emotional eating, you can lose sight of
how much it affects you. 

Food even provides an anchor when you move or get a new job.
As you scramble to adjust to new surroundings, you realize
that food doesn't change. You can travel anywhere, go to any
job, move to a new apartment, and food is still there! It
makes you feel secure because it's something familiar. 

Food as survival

Many overweight people admit they use food as a drug, hoping
to escape their uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. In her
job as a human resources director, Alice spends her days
taking care of other people and addressing their concerns.
But she admits that once she gets home, food is her solace,
giving her the comfort and validation that are missing in her
work life. Alice told me, 'I don't eat food; I USE food! But
I don't know how to survive without it.'

Peter fears that if he couldn't use food for comfort, he
wouldn't be able to cope. He says, 'For me, overeating is
like pushing the 'mute' button on my life. But I keep doing
it, because if I stop, life feels too awful to deal with.'

Food is the consolation prize

While eating may temporarily soothe an emotional need, the
end result never matches your dream. Food becomes the
CONSOLATION PRIZE, better than nothing, but not even close to
what you really wanted which was to be loved, appreciated,
comforted, or encouraged.

Many days, we'd give anything for someone to hold us or to
offer kind, encouraging words. We want somebody to care that
we have a bad cold or that our car broke down for the third
time this month. We wish our lives were different--that we had
more money, more love, or more fun. When we don't get these
things, it's easy to look for something to take the place of
what's missing.

Even if you've been an emotional eater for years, you aren't
stuck with these negative patterns. Start by realizing that
the key to managing your weight begins with healing your
heart, not filling your spoon. As you discover new ways to
cope with your emotional needs, you'll move toward a sense of
peace with food--a feeling you may have forgotten existed.

Identify Your Emotional Eating Patterns