Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He is a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and writes the weekly Tribune syndicated career advice column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark" and columns on leadership for FAST COMPANY and Directors Monthly and is an expert at People Jam. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, and Today. Mark Goulston is the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and PTSD for Dummies. For more information visit: www.markgoulston.com.

Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--

In matters of love with a divorced man,
never believe what he says;
Only believe what he does
and does without protesting
and without your nagging him.

Beware the lonesome, divorced man who waxes poetically and romantically about how he has never felt so wonderful as he does with you and how he can see spending the rest of his life with you, traveling with you, having you meet his kids, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Read my lips! He may have great intentions when he experiences that initial relief to the loneliness he had been feeling, but the chance of his following through on them is slight. And then when you start asking him later on what happened to all those great plans and promises he made without your asking him to, he tells you to stop nagging him and the chance of his following through goes to nil.

So what’s a woman to do when she hears such wonderful promises that lead her to start thinking of a future with this guy? You may not like my answer. Play it coy, smile sweetly, touch his hand tenderly and say: “We’ll see, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

If he gets defensive and says: “What? Do you think I’m just bullsh*ting you?” respond with, “No, you’re just paying for the sins of the last few who did.”

And by the way, if he is vehement and becomes hostile about your not believing him, he probably is bullsh*ting you. After all someone who doesn’t have anything to hide, has nothing to fear, and nothing to get so angry about.

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