and writes the weekly Tribune syndicated career advice column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark" and columns on leadership for

Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--

In matters of love with a divorced man,
never believe what he says;
Only believe what he does
and does without protesting
and without your nagging him.

Beware the lonesome, divorced man who waxes poetically and romantically about how he has never felt so wonderful as he does with you and how he can see spending the rest of his life with you, traveling with you, having you meet his kids, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Read my lips! He may have great intentions when he experiences that initial relief to the loneliness he had been feeling, but the chance of his following through on them is slight. And then when you start asking him later on what happened to all those great plans and promises he made without your asking him to, he tells you to stop nagging him and the chance of his following through goes to nil.

So what’s a woman to do when she hears such wonderful promises that lead her to start thinking of a future with this guy? You may not like my answer. Play it coy, smile sweetly, touch his hand tenderly and say: “We’ll see, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

If he gets defensive and says: “What? Do you think I’m just bullsh*ting you?” respond with, “No, you’re just paying for the sins of the last few who did.”

And by the way, if he is vehement and becomes hostile about your not believing him, he probably is bullsh*ting you. After all someone who doesn’t have anything to hide, has nothing to fear, and nothing to get so angry about.

Ten Reasons Not To Date a Married Man

How To Baby Proof Your Marriage

Destress Your Marriage And Save It

There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap:

1. He won't commit to a future with you. A man who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make him feel. He may even blurt out, "I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you.

2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't like. You are evidence of his avoiding dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that he's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.

3. Hiding is exhausting. Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.

4. He's got his cake and is eating it, too. He has a legitimate married relationship that helps his public persona and he has an illegitimate one with you to make up for what heâs missing in his marriage. As appreciative as he sounds, many women who are involved with married men come to resent his having the best of both worlds, when she has the least.

5. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife? The existence of your relationship with a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out.

6. Lose his respect and it's over. Even though he's the one who pursued you. Even though he's the one that made it difficult to say "No." And even though he tells you how wonderful you are. At some level, he's going to have trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship. Like the Groucho Marx joke, "He may not want to be of a relationship that would have him as a partner."

7. You're not a home wrecker, just an accomplice. Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.

8. You're kidding yourself. Despite his reassuring you how much you mean to him, his not ending his relationship with his wife in an above-board and respectful way -- and not beginning a legitimate relationship with you -- are actions that speak louder than words.

9. Beware the guilt boomerang. Many men (and women) have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.

10. Time is too precious to waste. Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married man can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.

Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He is a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and writes the weekly Tribune syndicated career advice column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark" and columns on leadership for FAST COMPANY and Directors Monthly and is an expert at People Jam. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, and Today. Mark Goulston is the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and PTSD for Dummies. For more information visit: www.markgoulston.com.

Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill and Julia Stone are the authors of Baby Proofing Your Marriage. With humor and empathy, the 'Babyproofers' have helped tens of thousands of couples navigate the most common relationship pitfalls that occur when there are small kids in the house: the endless tit-for-tat Scorekeeping over who has it tougher, the wilted sex life, the bickering about the in-laws (and outlaws). They offer simple but effective solutions for both men and women.

They have appeared on NBC's Today Show, Fox News, The Mike and Juliet Show, iVillage Live, Babytv.com, WebMD, and over 60 radio shows across the country, including Martha Stewart Living Radio and Satellite Sisters. Overseas media appearances include the BBC, SKY News and Canada AM. Babyproofing has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Parade, New York Newsday, The New York Daily News, Parenting, Baby Talk, Fit Pregnancy and Best Life. The Babyproofers are AOL Coaches on family and child issues and post-baby relationship experts for eHarmony.com Parenting.

Guest Bloggers Stacie, Cathy, and Julia--The BabyProofers:

There’s no doubt that our children are our greatest joy and that we love being parents more than anything in the world. But parenting little ones can be pretty tough on a marriage. Are you and your spouse enduring the inevitable challenges of early parenthood? Do you see things differently now that you have kids? Are you keeping score over the division of labor? Has managing the demands of the in-laws and outlaws become a bit of a challenge? What about activity in the bedroom? Has it come to a grinding (sorry) halt?

Maybe it’s time to Babyproof Your Marriage and take some simple, but effective actions so that having children doesn’t mean sacrificing being a couple. Here’s a few top tips from Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone, co-authors of the bestselling book, Babyproofing Your Marriage, to help you preserve your coupledom:

1. Realize You Are not Alone: Relationship hiccups are completely normal when you’re parenting small kids. So don’t panic. Most couples, no matter how happy and secure their relationship may be, find the early parenting years a challenge. Chances are, any arguments you’re having are the same arguments being played out in thousands of homes across America. The realization that these issues are universal, rather than personal, can change how you deal with it. “Why are you doing this to me?" becomes “What are we going to do about it?”

2. Don’t Play Midnight Chicken. Help each other get enough sleep. Resist the urge to play Midnight Chicken -- you know, the late night battle of wills where each parent pretends to be asleep and blissfully unaware of the screaming down the hall, in hopes that their other half will get up and tend to the crying baby. Split up the night (for example, Dad does feedings until midnight, Mom goes to bed early and gets up after that) so that both of you get a solid block of sleep. Occasionally, take turns doing all-night baby duty and give your partner the ultimate gift - an entire uninterrupted 8 hours of shut-eye.

3. Try a Training Weekend. Ladies, if you think you have a husband who ‘just doesn’t get it,’ try this foolproof method to get him engaged: take off for 48 hours and let him man the kid and house ropes on his own. No backup. No dialing 1-800-Grandma. You’ll catch a break and he’ll gain new respect for what it really takes to keep the household ship afloat. This technique will also allow him bond with the baby on his own terms. A lot of guys told us they feel relegated to the powerless role, like Vice President, of Assistant Mom. When you hand over the reins, your husband gets a chance to be the father he wants to be.

4. Stop the Scorekeeping. With a baby in the house the workload explodes. It’s hardly surprising that most of us start arguing with our partner over who has it tougher. “I did seven loads of laundry and you didn’t do any.” “Yeah, well I did all the cooking last week ..” You both can end up feeling resentful and unappreciated. It’s a tit for tat war that no one wins. Rip up the scorecards, hand in your Martyr Badges and Divide and Conquer. Make a list of everything that must be done, from nightly bath duty to earning a living and divvy it up.

5. Bridge the Sex Gap. Most couples with young children experience a disconnect in the bedroom. After she has a baby, a woman’s sex drive often goes MIA. Most guys, however, still want sex just as much as they always have, baby or no baby. Try to reach across the gap. Guys need to pay attention to romance and stop the Ten O’Clock Shoulder Tap. Girls should try to reacquaint themselves with the girl they used to be. Try a “dad on duty night” and relax with a bath and/or glass of wine. You’ll be a lot more receptive to the idea of sex if you’ve had a chance to get out of Mommy Mode.

6. Help Each Other Have It All: Naturally, your free time gets squeezed when you become a parent. But it’s more important than ever to do some of the things that recharge you. When we don’t have a little time to ourselves, we start to feel worn out and we can become damn difficult to live with. You don’t both have to be ON all the time. Figure out an off-leash strategy with your partner. For example, he takes the kids on Saturday morning while you go to yoga, and you do the same for him on Sunday so he can get in a jog. Give each other some Get Out of Jail Free Cards on a regular basis.

7. Make Time for Each Other. Try not to let your adult relationship be defined solely by being parents. Put a little distance between yourselves and the kids. Start with the local pizza place and work your way up to a weekend away. Your relationship is the lynchpin of the whole family. Where there’s a healthy marriage, there are happy kids.

Related: Take Two Pills and Speak to Each Other in the Morning

               Destress Your Marriage and Save It!

               1001 Ways To Be Romantic

, and is an expert at PeopleJam. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, and Today.

Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--

Forget, “What was Eliot Spitzer thinking?” What about his wife?

The look of love is in your eyes,

The look, your smile can’t disguise

The look of love, it’s saying so much more

Than just words could ever say…

Enough of “what was he thinking?” when Eliot and Bill did what they did, “because they could.”

The question that is on peoples' minds is “what the heck was she thinking?” when Silda Wall and Hillary looked on as their men went public about after being caught with their hand in the wrong cookie jar. Why so much curiosity?

Could it be that our salacious instincts are just getting off wondering what these women are thinking of their man’s behavior or could it be that the look is not that unfamiliar to millions of women who have looked that way at their men or to their men who have been looked at that way.

What has happened to marriage? Baby, baby where did our love go?

I remember a husband once saying to his wife in my therapy room: “What ever happened to my sweet little girl who used to adore me?”

Without missing a beat his wife responded: “You stopped being adorable.”

I have seen hundreds of couples where husbands have the same complaints: “She used to think I was funny and be so warm and so nurturing and now she looks at me like I’m silly and everything is a negotiation. I still love her, but I don’t think she likes me.”

What’s up? And what brought marriage down to its knees?

Wherever you go, you see it? Women directing, barking orders and men passive aggressively dawdling or sullenly muttering, “Get off my frickin back!” That look of adoration in her eyes had been replaced by annoyance, irritation and impatience. The men don’t like it, but since one of the rules they still live by is “It’s not okay to hit a girl,” they take their hurt and anger out in other ways.

That might mean alcohol, gambling, cars, motorcycles. And sometimes it means looking elsewhere for the adoration and respect that their wives once felt for them. It could be with an affair or using their imagination and attributing those feelings to a smile on a prostitute or the smile from a porn star on their computer monitor.

What happened? How did the strong foundation for love become a floor that drops out of a marriage?

The answer is that the love was flawed from the beginning. It turns out he never knew her or cared to really know her in the first place. He just loved the way she made him feel…about himself.

And when she discovered that she was being used and often made promises in the heat of passion that he never had intended to keep, she fired back and started to use him in return to father a child, feather a nest or support her career aspirations. What started out as unconditional love deteriorated into “zero sum loving.”

And the solution? Couples need to realize and accept that true intimacy only begins when the intoxication and illusion of early love and lust dies down and gives way to reality. They need to see that immature love is about loving the other for what they do right and mature love is about loving someone in spite of what they do wrong. If you look for it, there is much to love in spite of what each other does wrong. You just have to look for it.

Just because early love is an illusion, doesn’t mean you have to become disillusioned with later love.

More Secrets To a Happy Relationship from Mark Goulston

Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--

Here we were again. Back at Defcon 1 with the husband and wife I had been seeing in marital therapy every other week for three months. 

            Neither was listening, each was taking everything the other person said personally, and both were on the defensive engaged in full frontal counter attacks.   I thought to myself, "This is going to be a long 90 minutes," and questioned whether I could get them back to Defcon 5, where they could leave my office and at least go back to sleeping in the same bedroom after another week of sleeping apart.

            Two weeks earlier they had been in to discuss his being emotionally distant and her being emotionally over the top in their communication.  It had taken most of that session for them to see that engaging in a "chicken in the egg" blaming contest was getting them nowhere.  The breakthrough had come at 60 minutes into that 90 minute meeting when she finally understood that he emotionally shut down not to reject, punish her or as she accused him of "always getting angry and then always running away." Rather, it was to protect her from -- as he put it with a "don't push me" glare in his eyes – getting angrier.  It was at that moment of authenticity, that she felt he was emotionally present in the room as opposed to being emotionally shut down.

            I asked her if he in fact "always" got angry and "always" ran away from any differences in opinion they had.  She replied: "Well it seemed that way."

            I asked her to clarify, "Seemed that way or in fact was always that way?"

            She replied, "Well I guess, he's not always that way, but he.."

            "Stop!" I interrupted her. 

            "But he does…" she pushed back.

            "Stop!" I reiterated, "stay with the fact that he's not always that way, in fact there are times when he's doesn't act badly towards you, when he's actually nice to you, isn't that so?"

            I turned to the husband and asked, "And what's the effect of her accusing you of 'always' saying or doing something hurtful to her?"

            "It makes me feel like saying or doing something hurtful to her, but I just shut down before that happens," he explained.

            And so they calmed down, going from being so "thin skinned" about each other to civil and to her making a commitment to refrain from saying "always" or "never" to him and his committing to agreeing to talk to her during conflicts or shortly after he took a needed break to keep from becoming angrier in one of their conversations.

            But they got to that point at the end of nearly every session.  Each one ended with "hope springing eternal." But then hope would not last very long and so they kept coming back every two weeks to receive their emotional chiropractic adjustment to merely maintain their civility.

            Their being so thin skinned and my knowing how much work it would be to help them was causing me to have both performance anxiety –as to whether I could keep them from falling apart completely  -- and anticipatory exhaustion on the toll the session would take on me, before we even met.

            Then I thought, "When I prescribe medication to individual patients, I often rely on how the person makes me feel in their presence in addition to the usual specific symptoms and history that would indicate a psychiatric disorder such as anxiety or depression.  If I felt mentally drained and down from a session that often indicated depression; if I felt edgy, that indicated anxiety. In cases of depression and anxiety I could feel how much effort it took for me to remain centered, non-reactive and calm. 

             "Hmm," I thought, "maybe this couple was suffering from 'depression a deux.'"  That is a play off on the well known psychiatric condition referred to as "folie a deux" (i.e. shared madness), where two individuals craziness played off of each other causing both of them to be even more crazy.  Maybe this couple were depressing each other which was causing each of them to lose the ability to stop taking what each other said or did so personally.  And maybe it was causing her to be irritable and annoyed (often called "depressive equivalents" for being symptoms of depression, treatable by anti-depressants, even though the person with acting that way, would usually not see themselves as depressed) and him to be shut down and avoidant (because depression often makes it difficult to take criticism which then causes you to withdraw to deal with it).

            The distinction between endogenous (internally caused) and exogenous (externally caused) depression had long since gone away in psychiatry. That is because research has shown that rather than people losing a job or relationship causing them to become depressed, it was just as likely that people became depressed first leading them to become more irritable, less resilient and more avoidant, which secondarily caused them to lose that relationship or job.

            Each of these spouses did have a number of the symptoms of depression including impaired sleep and eating, lowered energy, negative mood and feelings of pessimism – which each had been blaming on the other for years.

            Like many patients, neither were keen on the idea of medication, although they both thought the other should be taking them. However when their symptoms and histories were shared with them and how the real "chicken and the egg" situation was that each was probably depressed which made each less capable of dealing with annoyances with the other, they agreed to each try an anti-depressant medication.

            When they returned two weeks later they had only slipped from Defcon 5 to Defcon 4 instead of all the way back to Defcon 1. That was because due to the anti-depressants, they had each developed a thicker skin.  This enabled them to now utilize the insights and keep the commitments they were making from the psychotherapy part of their treatment.  That in turn helped them to develop a thicker skin without developing a cold heart.

10 Habits of Happy Couples    More From Mark Goulston

 Dr. Mark Goulston is a member of the

1. Go to bed at the same time. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances. 8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit...and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don't despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

(c) 2008 Mark Goulston

More From Mark Goulston

Founder of online dating consulting service

Guest Blogger Evan Marc Katz--

Ask most women what they’re looking for and you’ll get some version of "a nice guy with a little bit of an edge". They value his ability to be a man, take control, make decisions, speak his mind and march to the beat of his own drum. None of those things prevent a guy from being nice. They just mean that he’s not a desperate kiss-ass.

Nice guys often confuse these two things. Because they’ve tried to "nice" their way into women’s hearts and failed, they’re convinced that they have to start being jerks. Uh uh. Decent women have no tolerance for jerks. They just don’t want a guy who values himself so little that he has to try so very hard to impress.

The confidence that a man projects is the magnetism that draws women.
The kindness is what keeps women there.

Confidence without kindness describes "bad boys" that smart woman have long ago given up.
Kindness without confidence is the charge against the wishy-washy "nice guys".

But if you put confidence and kindness together…well, I’d say you have a pretty irresistible combination of traits for a man.

So let’s sum up:

Confident men treat women well.
Confident men keep their plans after they make them.
Confident men can express vulnerability and caring without seeming weak.

This territory isn’t exclusive to nice guys who finish last. This is for guys who won’t bend over backwards to the point where they are spineless.

And in case you don’t believe me about the game playing, here’s the best example I can provide to make my case:

You know what a woman says when a guy she likes calls her the day after a date?

"He’s so sweeeeet!"

You know what a woman says when a guy she doesn’t like calls her the day after a date?

"He’s a creepy, needy, stalker."

The phone call doesn’t change her opinion. She’s already made up her mind.

So if you’re a nice guy who went on a nice date with a nice girl, try being authentic and call her the next day.

It would be a nice change of pace.

More On Love And Relationships

More From Evan Marc Katz

John Gray,Ph.D. author of the newly published Why Mars and Venus Collide points out the effects of stress on modern relationships:

Mild depression from stress suppresses passion.

A sense of urgency takes away our patience and flexibility.

A sense of distress, anxiety, and panic greatly diminishes our capacity to be happy.

Irritability overshadows our feelings of affection, appreciation, and tenderness.

Decreased energy limits how much we can freely give of ourselves.

With unstable blood sugar levels, our moods either become flat or fluctuate too much.

Men lose interest in the relationship while women feel overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time and support.

Beyond this, stress of course leads to physical problems as well--infertility issues, digestive difficulties, insomnia, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function among other impairments.

Men and women react differently to stress because of chemical and physiological differences within our bodies.  Not understanding the behaviors of the opposite sex during these difficult times can lead to further misunderstanding.  Men produce large amounts of testosterone, especially during stress situations, which hinders oxytocin--a calming chemical.  This allows men to fight for survival or protect the family when necessary.  It also causes hostility, withdrawal, and sometimes anger.

Women produce oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth and breastfeeding.  Estrogen, another female chemical, raises the effectiveness of oxytocin. Women would rather talk through their difficulties, protect and care for their children, and surround themselves with female support.

Understanding your partner is the key to a destressed relationship, making home a safe haven rather than a war of roses. Men tend to think of themselves as the breadwinners, difficult as it may be today.  Though needing nurturing and love, they are risk takers with money, more dominant and independent, and tend to focus by blocking out distractions.  When under stress, they will become silent.  Best option here--John Gray writes that it is important to leave the man alone.  In fact, ignore him for a while.  This will help destress him.

Women tend to multitask, see the implications of a situation in a broader context, reach out to absorb more information, and skillfully use verbal abilities.  Faced with stress, they will argue and persuade.  Best option here--give the woman some attention.  Ask about how she feels.

John Gray states that a woman's greatest challenge is caring for herself.  She is a giver.  9 out of 10 women will sign up to donate their organs if killed in a traffic accident versus 1 out of 10 men.  A man will give everything he has to support his family and then return home tired and needing to unwind.  Having been married nearly 20 years, I understand this distinction between men and women.  My sister-in-law phoned me not long ago, concerned that her husband arrives home from a 12-hour workday, only wishing to watch TV.  Because she did not comprehend his need to switch gears and relax, this issue had created some minor friction in their household.  I advised my sister-in-law to not nag her husband about watching television first, explaining that many men do this to loosen up after work.

Handle your stress rather than blame it on your spouse. Recognize that your spouse deals with stress too, even if he doesn't want to talk about it. 

Best stress releasers:

Relax through yoga, meditation, massage therapy, listen to music, read a book, or just sit quietly.

Make time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.

Sleep 7 to 9 hours a night.

Eat properly--fruits, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains.

Exercise induces the release of endorphins which will also improve your mood.

Talk to a listener who will not judge you, but who can offer a new viewpoint.

Seek out a professional therapist who will treat serious stress related disorders.

Compromise your point on occasion and avoid the argument.

Write down your feelings, volunteer your time, begin a hobby.

Say "No" to demands that exceed your time limits and abilities.

Avoid smoking, emotional eating, too much alcohol, and abusing drugs.

Highly Recommended Reading:  Why Mars And Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D.  The book will open your mind and eyes and allow you to see your partner for who he or she is.  Restore the passion and romance in your marriage with the insight offered through the author's research and knowledge of the intricacy of relationships.

More On Love And Relationships

Most women wish to be appreciated and recognized as that special someone on Valentine's Day.  BestSelling author, Gregory Grodek, recommends couples create romance in their lives.  In fact, he knows 1001 Ways To Be Romantic.  Romantic gestures, he writes, are not ulterior motives, but expressions of love and appreciation.  They show that you've been thinking about your partner.  Romance is an art, not a science.  Love is a cooperative sport, not a competitive sport.  Romance is not a business.  Love is not a battle."

Hints for romance and a happier relationship include:

Singing "your song" to her at a karaoke bar. (My college friend Steve--a tenor, sang to his wife as she walked down the aisle.)

Fill a one-gallon glass jar with her favorite candy.

Make love every day for a week or month.

Take your lover on a surprise two-week vacation. (Here's where you may need to compromise.) Guys, it's probably not fishing!

Phone her every day from work a few times just to say, "I love you." (Let your pride down on this one.)

Send a message via sky writing.

Go skinny dipping--in private!

Write a romantic note and place it where she'll find it.

Hire a limo for the evening and go out on the town!

Have "your song" playing when she returns home from work.

Place a pillow on the bed that reads, "TONIGHT!"

Hold hands and give three quick squeezes.

Hum "your song" in her ear.

BackStory Bite--Gregory JP Grodek, known as "America's Romance Authority," writes this dedication:

To the romantics--who simply want more

To the cynics (the romantics of tomorrow)

To those who want to fall in love again

To those who want to save romance from the scientists and psychologists--and put it back into the hands of the poets and dreamers and lovers

To my son, the future author--Thomas Valentine Grodek

And to my bride, my best friend, my soulmate, Karyn Lynn Grodek...(Who is more fun than you and me? Nobody.)

More On Love and Relationships

John Robbins, author of Healthy At 100 says, "There is an aspect of our lives that healthy traditional cultures have always understood to be of paramount importance to human happiness, well-being, and longevity:  Nothing is more important, they believe, than the quality of their human relationships.  As individuals and as communities they are sustained through all kinds of hardships by the boundless commitment they have to support one another, and their complete readiness to provide mutual aid at any time." 

Dr. Steven Masley, author of Ten Years Younger, emphasizes the role of relationships in counteracting life's difficulties, "Stress raises adrenalin and cortisol, great when being attacked, but elevated long term, they accelerate aging. You need to learn how to manage stress.

Get enough sleep, have warm intimacy and affection in your life, exercise, and/or get a massage. Even meditation or deep prayer are very useful. A positive outlook—is the glass half empty or half full—is also very important." 

Dr. Mark Liponis, author of Ultra-Longevity, "Love is the antidote to hate, anger, fear, and sadness.  It's hard to feel these negative emotions when you feel love.  But when people sense negative emotions, their bodies sense them too.  The immune system is particularly attuned to our emotional state, which means both negative and positive emotions play a role in our health patterns."

Hmmm...Eat, Drink, and Be Merry....