Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and  sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He is a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and writes the weekly Tribune syndicated career advice column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark", columns on leadership for FAST COMPANY, Directors Monthly, and is an expert at PeopleJam. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, and Today. Mark Goulston is the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and PTSD for Dummies.

Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--

Are you down because your kid didn’t get into the college of their (and your choice)? Having trouble accepting defeat? Can’t let it go? Want to rip anyone’s throat out who tells you, “It’s not the end of the world?"

Here is the real silver lining--

This is going to be one of the greatest opportunities that your child and you will ever have for poise.

If you look around you and all the way up to the Presidential campaigns and the current President, you will see how rare a quality it is. When you have it people admire and respect you and want esteem from you.

One of the greatest advantages of true poise is that you can have so much influence with so little effort. That is because you are so centered and so solid that lesser people know in their hearts that they can’t manipulate you and often stop bothering to try. One of the best things about poise is it also makes the people around you want to be the best that they can be.

When I think of poise I think of John Wooden, the most successful basketball coach in history who coached UCLA to 10 NCAA titles. He did it with knowledge, ability, preparation and poise, all of which overflow from the building blocks to his Pyramid of Success. He has said that never (and his players back this up) in his entire career used a swear word. His explanation was not so much that he was being prudish, but that he felt that when people got frustrated and swore, it took away from their focus and execution (and poise). His view was to remain centered as a person and as a team and so dominate the other teams that you cause them to swear and lose their focus, poise and cool.

Another person I think of is Warren Bennis, one of the foremost authorities on leadership in the world and someone who is brimming over with poise. Recently I heard him say at a meeting at USC honoring him: "One of the greatest advantages of having so many nice things said about you, is that it gives you something to live up to." That is not just poise, that is charm.

So...yell, blame, complain, whine, feel sorry for yourself OR seize this opportunity for poise. The choice is up to your child and to you.

(c) 2008 Mark Goulston

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