By Kelly Jad'on

Author Tal Ben-Shahar is known for his Positive Psychology and upbeat lectures surrounding happiness. A Harvard graduate, he is also a champion squash competitor, winning both the U.S. Intercollegiate and Israeli National competitions. Ben-Shahar is also known for his bestselling book Happier. He began his search for the happiness while thinking about the subject, as a successful but unhappy athlete, and also as a successful but unhappy professional, leading him into the research of Positive Psychology.

Traveling abroad, giving international lectures has allowed the author to meet diverse groups of people, all in search of happiness. A common barrier coexisting in them all is “the aspiration to a life that is not just happier but perfect.” The Pursuit of Perfect Ben-Shahar writes is about what perfectionism is and “about how to overcome this obstacle to a happier life.”

Positive Psychology differentiates between positive (optimal) and negative perfectionism. Ben-Shahar points out that the perfectionist rejects failure, painful emotions, success, and reality. He limits himself with worry of failure, producing anxiety and procrastination. The optimalist however, accepts failure, painful emotions, success, and reality; he lives the full scope of the human experience. Though the optimalist may fail, he accepts the reality of the situation and moves forward.

Written in workbook format, the author suggests that readers stop and start with The Pursuit of Perfect, taking time to think about what he’s read, apply the material, and complete the exercises at the end of the chapters. Referencing many specialists and researchers like himself, Ben-Shahar details seven pages of references.

Divided into three sections The Pursuit of Perfect explores the danger of perfection and the necessity of becoming an optimalist.

Part 1 The Theory—the need for accepting failure (think eating disorder sufferers), emotions (think depression), success (realistic goals), dealing with reality; mentions Viktor Frankl (paradoxical intentions) and David Barlow (worry exposure), Khalil Gibran (The Prophet—our capacity for increased joy).

Part 2 Applications—helping children attain happiness and success (mentions the Montessori school concept); taking optimalism to work (no-blame policies of the Israeli Air Force and U.S. Air Force; problems with micromanagement); finding love in the face of reality (Do you accept the flaws in your partner?)

Part 3 Meditations—focuses on the difficulties with releasing ourselves from perfectionism; cognitive techniques given; the need for self-love; pro-aging vs. the anti-aging lifestyle (“Those with a positive view of old age lived on average more than seven years longer than those with a negative view.”)

Ben-Shahar relates several personal stories of reaching for perfection, living with emotional disequilibration, and parenting for relativity to the reader. His conclusion to The Pursuit of Perfect begins, “My name is Tal, and I am a Perfectionist,” and the book concludes as “My name is Tal, and I am also an Optimalist.” Perfectionism and its pursuit resides within many of us, perhaps hurting, distorting, and forcing rejection unfairly upon a life worth living. The journey toward Optimalism however, is viewed as a process or direction toward which one points his life.

The Pursuit of Perfect is a fascinating book, helping all of us discover what makes us tick, and in the end live life happier and more meaningfully.

5 Stars

The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life (McGraw Hill/ Apr 2009) by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.

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